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The Man They Wanted Me to Be: Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making

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'The Man They Wanted Me to Be: Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making' by Jared Yates Sexton is a memoir that delves deep into the toxic construct of masculinity prevalent in society. Through personal anecdotes and candid storytelling, Sexton explores the impact of traditional masculinity on individuals, families, and society as a whole. He bravely examines his own upbringing in a small town environment in Indiana, shedding light on the generational transmission of toxic gender roles. is a thought-provoking analysis of the unrealistic expectations placed on men and boys, highlighting the damaging effects of toxic masculinity on relationships and personal well-being.

Sexton's writing style is engaging and honest, seamlessly blending personal experiences with research to provide a comprehensive understanding of the issue at hand. challenges readers to reevaluate societal norms around masculinity and offers a path towards healing and self-discovery. Through a blend of memoir, sociology, and history, Sexton presents a raw and impactful narrative that resonates with readers, urging both men and women to confront and address the crisis of toxic masculinity.

Writing/Prose:

The writing is an engaging blend of personal anecdotes and scholarly insight, effectively communicating complex themes.

Plot/Storyline:

The narrative delves into the author's life experiences shedding light on toxic masculinity and its repercussions.

Setting:

Set in the author's formative years in Indiana, reflecting the cultural and social influences of that environment.

Pacing:

The pacing is dynamic but at times disjointed due to the integration of different elements like personal storytelling and academic discourse.
On October 7, 2016, I was celebrating my thirty-fifth birthday when news broke that The Washington Post had just published an eleven-year-old video of Republican nominee Donald Trump telling Access Ho...

Notes:

The book is a personal memoir and an analysis of toxic masculinity.
Sexton critiques the attitudes of working-class white males, linking them to domestic violence and societal issues.
He discusses how traditional masculinity expectations can lead to self-hate and violence.
Sexton shares his experiences growing up as a chubby and emotional boy in a tough family environment.
The author argues that society pressures men to be emotionless and dominant, creating emotional isolation.
Many men struggle with feelings of inadequacy and fear of losing their perceived power.
Sexton highlights how toxic masculinity impacts not only men but also women and children around them.
He connects the rise of the alt-right to the frustrations of white male identity.
The book includes a mix of personal anecdotes, sociological insights, and historical context.
Sexton emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and sharing personal stories as a way to combat toxic masculinity.

Sensitive Topics/Content Warnings

Content warnings include discussions of domestic violence, mental health struggles, and potential triggers related to toxic masculinity.

From The Publisher:

Based on the provocative and popular New York Times op-ed, this memoir alternates between the examination of a working-class upbringing and a cultural analysis of the historical, psychological, and sociological sources that make up the roots of toxic masculinity and its impact on society.

As progressivism changes American society, and globalism shifts labor away from traditional manufacturing, the roles that have been prescribed to men since the Industrial Revolution have been rendered obsolete. Donald Trump's campaign successfully leveraged male resentment and entitlement, and now, with Trump as president and the rise of the #MeToo movement, it's clear that our current definitions of masculinity are outdated and even dangerous.

Deeply personal and thoroughly researched, the author of The People Are Going to Rise Like the Waters Upon Your Shore has turned his keen eye to our current crisis of masculinity using his upbringing in rural Indiana to examine the personal and societal dangers of the patriarchy. The Man They Wanted Me to Be examines how we teach boys what's expected of men in America, and the long-term effects of that socialization-which include depression, shorter lives, misogyny, and suicide. Sexton turns his keen eye to the establishment of the racist patriarchal structure which has favored white men, and investigates the personal and societal dangers of such outdated definitions of manhood.

"By carefully and soberly examining his own story, Sexton deconstructs American life and gives many examples of how pervasive toxic masculinity is in our culture." -Henry Rollins, Los Angeles Times

"This book is critically important to our historical moment . . . Crackles with intensity and absolutely refuses to allow the reader to look away for even a moment from the blight that toxic masculinity in America has wrought." -Nicholas Cannariato, NPR

 
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