Variant Lost

There's stuff that I liked a

lot about this book.

- Cool setup, kind of an X-Men thing

- Even though we're dealing with an lead character that is 18, she's had a weird, rough life that has grounded her away from a lot of YA bullcrap that generally makes me DNF.

- We have women characters who are awesome (I feel like lately, in every UF I read, any woman who isn't the lead is some horrid bitch who is trying to bring the lead down). Real girl friend relationships, yay!

- Backstory on Eve that makes me super curious and invested

There's also stuff I really hated about this book.

- We're told repeatedly that Eve is super smart, but she is utterly brainless about some really obvious things. It felt forced for drama, and out of character.

- Eve seems to completely forget about her own history the moment she goes to school. I mean ... her mom had them in hiding! They moved every year! They've had some near misses, she says - shit exploding around them as they are running to get away - so she knows it is legit. But she never once pauses to think if any of this is a good idea. Going to school, getting the required blood tests, committing to be in one place for years and years, ... and then later, going to big public events with paparazzi, having her picture in magazines. It made her feel like an idiot. I would get if she wrestled with it and decided she doesn't have a choice, but this book is in her POV and it never even enters her mind. It never occurs to her that she's doing exactly what her mother avoided, and drawing attention to herself ... and she never wonders if that is putting her in danger. Why? Why??

- Eve just accepts that no one around her tells her anything about anything. I mean, really, is she part of their group, or isn't she? She's treated like an outsider that isn't ever part of the conversation. That's ooooookay in the first book as their relationships are just forming, I suppose, but I will lose my shit if it continues.

- Alec. I hate Alec. I don't give a shit what his deal is, what he's done is unforgivable. He's a complete bag of shit. From the immediate abandonment, to blocking her attempts to find him, to lying about their relationship, to flaunting sex with another woman in front of her, to utterly betraying her, to ... just being a complete piece of human garbage at every opportunity.

- Eve throwing herself repeatedly at a complete bag of shit. Yes, Alec.

To go in further on that last point: I

cannot fucking stand how prevalent these kinds of fucked up relationship dynamics are in UF with lead female characters. And while I used to just roll my eyes about it ... dude, we live in a world that is slowly becoming Handmaid's Tale. I just can't fucking stand seeing this shit reinforced constantly. Can we please,

please stop giving girls and women the idea that they have to put up with a man treating them this way? Can we stop with the "he is only mean to you because he likes you" bullshit? Can we stop showing strong female characters obsessed and addicted to men who belittle and betray them, and go out of their way to be hurtful? Alec, in this story, feels like two fucking different people. Sometimes he's incredibly sweet, and then other times (most times) he's a complete fucking asshole. Now, as someone who has experienced an abusive relationship, let me tell you: that's how it goes. They're sweet sometimes. And the sweet moments become this beautiful highlight that you put on a pedestal, positive that if you just do X right or handle Y perfectly for him, you'll get that sweet person. And when you don't, well, you must have messed up, but keep trying because that sweet guy is in there. He'll come out if you just do the thing right.

These kinds of narratives are so incredibly destructive to women. They help normalize the idea that we can and should love someone who treats us with disgust and anger. That eventually, he'll just "come around" and finally love you like you deserve. And it's gross, you guys. It is just gross to me.

Why do we women do this to ourselves? Why do we not only allow ourselves to be treated this way in real life, but then also continually romanticize it in fiction? Why?

So while I liked the story, I'm really torn about this. Because I hate Alec, and I just know Eve will continue to hurl herself at him, until he finally agrees to accept her. How incredibly gross, and disempowering.