From Rags

This is a ... man, I'm having a hard time finding words. It is a tremendously compelling story of two supremely fucked up people - that have survived by becoming super dominant personalities - finding a way to stomp down their baggage and be together. And while I'll say up front that there are some serious flaws - I'll talk about those in a few - the gritty

real feel to Jaxx and Connor is so engaging that nothing much diminishes this book for me. Both of them are fierce, and they know each other so well... their POVs are damn impressive, watching these two people who refuse to bend, handle each other like... like lion tamers.

I'll touch on the flaws here. The primary one, for me, is this (and I'm not going to spoiler tag this, because it's in the blurb) - Connor left her, without a word or a second glance, many years ago. The fact is, it is just damn hard to believe that he cares about her when the truth is, had she not suddenly gotten famous and popped up right in front of his face, she'd never have seen him again. Now this puts this into second-chance romance territory, here,

sort of - they weren't in a romantic relationship the first time around, they were kids together in foster care, but ... given all the context of the book, it sort of qualifies as second-chance romance - and that's a genre I really struggle with anyway. So that's probably part of why this is a flaw to me. But I just ... nothing from Connor actually seems to justify, to me, why he abandoned her. And the horrible shit that she went through, totally abandoned ... well, I'll just leave it at that. But look, he's not responsible for the horrible shit - the people who did the horrible shit own it. The problem is

Connor set himself up as her protector, and chased the predatory boys away from her. What in fuck did he think would happen if he left and never talked to her again? It leaves her flagged as free-game. Especially since, on the way out, he gave a couple of those boys a good beating. She becomes a convenient target for them - and she was, she says this to Connor, she says that they told her that since they couldn't get at him, they'd take it out on her. They steered clear for a few months, to see if he was still staying in touch with her ... because if he was, they didn't want to get their asses beat. But when it was clear he was gone and was leaving her alone, she was a target. That's shitty.

It gets even worse when you find out about his life. The rich, famous race car driver, jet-setting around the world, fucking women, living the good life. While she's abandoned and fending off perverted shits in the ghetto. It's hard because ... no, he isn't responsible for her. But he claims to love her, to have stayed away from her because he wanted her,

and ... that's just... that's not love. That's just selfish bullshit.

And his encounters, when he reconnects with Jaxx, are utterly filled with selfish, pig-headed bullshit. They are only saved because she constantly takes him down about 1000 pegs. And because

it is honestly great to see him panting after her, in a complete turnaround from how he usually is with women.

But as is generally the case for me with second-chance romances ... part of me feels like he didn't earn this. He didn't earn her. He doesn't deserve her. Realizing "hey, I think I love this person who has loved me for ages"

when she has finally thrown in the towel and told you she can't bear to be around you anymore

doesn't mean you're entitled to her. You don't just get to say "oops, my bad, let's be together forever, kthx" ... it's too easy. Too uneven.

The other flaw is totally going into spoiler tags.

Jaxx has a history of sexual assault, and it has left her in a place where she can't stand people touching her. Anna says that Jaxx can't stand social touching, for example. Given that, I struggled a little with the fact that she had no problem with Connor being as rough as he is. Look, I get, and can totally accept, that the touching thing didn't apply to him, because he's probably the one person she always feels safe with. But it's hard to believe that when he, without warning, holds her down with her hands trapped above her head, especially when they are having angry sex ... it is hard to believe that there's no shadow of a problem there, at any point. Especially because, at that point, she was still determined to keep him at a distance.

But again, none of the flaws - to me - detracted from the book. I honestly loved it. And I had sympathy for Connor's baggage too. I just felt like I wanted to see more from him, to deserve Jaxx's love and vulnerability.

Re-read July 2017

I really like this book, very much. On the re-read, I'm actually adding it to my favorites shelf, and bumping the rating to **4.5**

Still really love this book. But still think that if Connor hadn't seen her on a magazine cover, he'd never have come back into her life. So that makes this not an "I've loved you since childhood" kind of book, but rather ... two old friends reconnecting and being shocked by the sparks that fly. And I can dig that. Plus, Jaxx is just such a great character.