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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

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'Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life' by Emily Nagoski is a revolutionary and empowering read that challenges societal norms and misconceptions about female sexuality. Nagoski delves into the science behind sexuality and arousal, highlighting the differences between male and female sexuality and emphasizing the importance of understanding one's own sexual well-being. Through relatable stories and a friendly writing style, Nagoski provides readers with valuable insights on how to navigate sexual pleasure, debunking myths and offering practical advice on communication, self-compassion, and embracing individuality in sexual experiences. encourages readers to view sexuality in a positive light, promoting self-acceptance and empowerment in a world where women's bodies are often misrepresented and misunderstood.

tackles complex topics such as sexual desire, arousal, and the connection between the brain and emotions, presenting scientific information in an accessible and informative manner. Nagoski's approach is inclusive and sex-positive, offering a fresh perspective on female sexuality while debunking common misconceptions and promoting a message of self-love and acceptance. Through engaging storytelling and evidence-based explanations, Nagoski encourages readers to challenge societal norms, embrace their individuality, and prioritize their sexual well-being, making 'Come as You Are' a must-read for anyone seeking to transform their understanding of sex and relationships.

Writing/Prose:

The writing style is informal and engaging, employing metaphors to explain concepts, although it may risk being seen as overly casual by some readers.

Plot/Storyline:

The narrative focuses on understanding female sexuality through scientific research and societal context, aiming to dismantle myths and affirm normalcy in sexual experiences.

Setting:

The setting is defined by cultural and societal narratives around female sexuality rather than a specific geographical location.

Pacing:

The pacing varies, sometimes perceived as slow due to detailed explanations, which some readers feel could be tightened.
So if you decide to have a look at other women’s vulvas—which I highly recommend, by the way, but only with their enthusiastic consent—you’ll notice how very, very different they all are from each oth...

Notes:

Emily Nagoski highlights that women's sexuality is not just a watered-down version of men's but is organized in unique ways.
The book discusses the Dual Control Model which includes the Sexual Excitation System (SES) and the Sexual Inhibition System (SIS).
Around 85% of women experience responsive desire, meaning arousal comes from the context rather than spontaneously.
Nagoski argues that individual experiences of desire and arousal vary widely, which contradicts many societal narratives about sexual norms.
The book states that not all orgasms are the same and challenges popular myths about vaginal and clitoral orgasms being categorically different.
Scientific studies mentioned in the book include some on rats, which raises concerns about applying those findings to humans.
Nagoski uses analogies to explain sexual mechanics, such as likening sexuality to a garden, which emphasizes complexity and diversity.
She emphasizes that women often feel pressure to be 'normal' in their sexual responses, but these responses can vary greatly.

From The Publisher:

An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works-based on groundbreaking research and brain science-that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer-but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

And Emily Nagoski can prove it.

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About the Author:

Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, and the coauthor of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She has an MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior, both from Indiana University.

 
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